I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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