I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
