Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
