I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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