I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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