I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
