Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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