WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
