Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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