Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
