I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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