Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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