it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize
