just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
