I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
