Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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