Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
