Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
