Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
