So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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