My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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