I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
