Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
