Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
