My Higher Power is John Stamos
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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