hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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