Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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