2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
