Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
