there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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