You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
