I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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