There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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