Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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