Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
