just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
