Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
