just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
