he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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