Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
