you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
