I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I enjoy the company of your penis
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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