in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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