I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
