phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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