You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
