Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
