she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize