Welp...herpes.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize