My nipple is on Facebook.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
