dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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