My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
