she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
