I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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