every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
