i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
