non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
