people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
