all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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