Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
