hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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