Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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