Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
