He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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