And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize