Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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