No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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