Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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