im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
