How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
