Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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