and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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