the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
