did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
North Korea, Best Korea!
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
