she woke up with a sticky ear
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
worst night to have a conscience
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm really busy with my period
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