but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
