I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
