but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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