my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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