Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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