Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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