I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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