Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Less talking, more tequila
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
