....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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