I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
