I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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