I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
