Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
