I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
