Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
