Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
