i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize