I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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