I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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