hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
