I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
