I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
