Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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