i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
