dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
