Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
