roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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