Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
