dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
