Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
