wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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