Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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