Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
