Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
